I have a cancer.

It has stripped away my tomorrows.

My tree of life has been stripped down to essentials.

There is a new purity of intent.

Priorities are put to the test.

Cancer has dissolved procrastination, and

I am left joyous and grateful.

Cancer stole my baggage,

Now, unexpectedly, I fly higher.

Perhaps I am fooling myself.

How can I know?

Simply by reaching deep into my heart.

There I find joy, good humour, gratitude and delight.

Alone in the night; I wake several times nowadays, the cancer reveals itself as an awakener.

My sleep has been deep but now,

Thanks to oncology, I have surged beyond psychology.

What a Laugh!

I do not need to know what comes next.

I do need to simply be present here-now.

Laughter, joy, meditation, love, friendship,

Are with me on this surprising journey.

They are here, now, as I write.

Even this chemotherapy is proving an unexpected friend.

Who could have guessed? Not me.

I remember Osho saying,

Never act out of fear.

Acting out of fear, even if it appears to be right, it is always seen, sooner or later, as wrong.

I search myself for fear.

Is it hiding?

I have not found it yet.

But the search has found another unexpected jewel:

Meditation and awareness can now penetrate even my sleep.

Cancer provided the poke I needed.

I had long regarded myself as chairman of the ‘slow learners’ club.

Slow or not, cancer has shown something has happened, and continues to happen.

Yes, I may be fooling myself.

So what!

I am in truth, consciousness and bliss.

Sitting here-now, an ancient meditator, full of cytotoxic drugs, quietly grieving over the loss of his beard,

I find myself smiling, then laughing out loud.

I am dancing inside.

I love the ridiculousness of this paradox that is happening.

Who would have guessed?

Not me.

But then, didn’t Osho say, Death comes dancing.

This here-now does not feel like death, more like enhanced life.

Whatever comes, whenever, I am ready,

Grateful far beyond these poor words.